In the Bleak Mid May...

It is May. It is bleak. Here are a couple of things to cheer me up.

Firstly, THE FREAKIN' GREEN ELF SHORTS COMPETITION!!!!! Yes, they're back!!! And they could be yours!!! All you have to do is leave a caption on Mr Devine's post - imagine, you too could one day feel the soft silky texture of the FGES clinging to your buttocks, trust me, it's a magical experience that will haunt bring joy to you for the rest of your life.


Secondly, the last episode of Endeavour on ITV featured a rather talented young lady called Rachel Darcy, not only does she sing rather well, but she also plays the Ukulele. Here is a clip from Youtube and also a link to her Facebook page.



And on Facebook where you can listen to her latest music.

Thirdly, a confession....



I hardly ever buy Fairy... because when I run out of my favourite washing up liquid, I do what all these lovely ladies in this advert do, I pay a blonde haired little girl to nick a couple of bottles from Tesco's. Never ask a blonde haired little boy to do this... he will only come back with something silly... like a tin of Heinz Beans, or he'll stuff a Dairylea Triangle down his trousers, which will cause unsightly stains, meaning you will have to pay the blonde haired little girl extra money to nick a box of of Fairy Liquitabs.

Lastly, I am very busy. One day I will share my busyness. One day I will blog properly again.

An Award!!!

An award from the very lovely Savvy! To accept it I simply have to answer four questions and then nominate several bloggers who've recently inspired/moved/touched me.

1. If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?

I would like access to time travel... or time lurking, to be more precise. It's not that I wish to alter time, but I'd like to go back just to revisit old memories in a 'real' way. 


2. If you could repeat any age which would it be?

This is why access to time lurking would be useful... I don't want to relive the whole of my nineteenth year... just the parties... and the fun bits.... I don't want to relive commuting into London... or the time I walked into a parking meter.

3. What really scares you?

THIS really scares me.... cos I was only sort of joking about the time lurking... and this sort of Total Recall e-memory mapping palaver may one day make my time lurking fantasy a reality. Plus, I read THIS recently as well... so I am sort of very scared about all these technological bits and pieces that I don't really understand.


4. If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be?

I would be George Osbourne for the day and I would resign and then I would sign him up for a one way ticket to Mars.

I now have to nominate a few bloggers for this award... you don't have to do this if you don't want to, obvs, but... maybe Wendy, Joey, and Mr Mags might like to have a go? And Dinah, perhaps?? Maybe Z and Tim and Zig....

Yes, I am just name dropping :-)

FontsUFancy

I apologise for abandoning my calligraphy blog, but I have been otherwise engaged with my thrilling new project - FontsUfancy - soon to be launched on a URL near you. I have discovered that writing over fonts is the way forward for my calligraphy... it is a lot easier and means that I no longer have to waste precious time ruling up cards and paper - time which is now better spent watching Real Desperate Housewives or that fab Noel Edmonds on Deal or No Deal. This is my first FontsUfancy experiment:-

This is not Calligraphy.... this is FontsUFancy Calligraphy...

Over the last few weeks I have been downloading as many fonts I can find on the internet, meaning that I now have an extensive font library for my wedding calligraphy clients to choose from, initial market research has proved positive [Mum and Auntie Violet think it's a good idea]. Handwritten envelopes are now a breeze to produce, I no longer have to worry about wonky 'a's' or terrible word spacing, and I can still charge £3.50 a pop.
Obviously I have needed help to get FontsUfancy up and running. My niece Charmaine has helpfully offered to work the printer, she is a resourceful young girl and is doing this with just one digit on her left hand leaving herself free to update Facebook with her right. Her BFF, Krystella, who is predicted to get a GCSE grade C in art this summer, is colouring in the lightly printed fonts using a blend of watercolour paint and felt-tips, when she tires of this I have granted her permission to play merry with the crayons. It will look fashionably arty and I doubt anyone will be any the wiser. Terrance [age 14 - only three inexplicable stains on his hoodie] is on loan from Carol next door, and has kindly offered to work the Twitter feed; he has had more success with this since I pointed out that the word is 'awesome' NOT 'whoresome', it is not his fault that he has a speech impediment and that he was taught to spell phonetically, nevertheless he has promised me 14,000 new followers by tomorrow teatime due to his flourishing relationship with party planner @Pamsbigfavours, and networking queen @100wayswithchaircovers - both have promised to feature FontsUfancy on their widely read blogs [300,000 new readers every hour according to their stats].
Meanwhile, Dave from down the pub is in charge of web design and copy; I have suggested that words and phrases such as 'professional', 'experienced', 'gorgeous yet affordable', be liberally used throughout... possibly in every other sentence, just to punch home just how experienced, professional, gorgeous yet affordable FontsUfancy really is in comparison to its competitors.

This may well be the end for Scarlet Blue Calligraphy, but please wish me well with this exciting new venture - should be all systems go by late April!!

First published on Scarlet Blue Calligraphy 07/03/2013

Another post generated....

Blimey! I just got slapped with a wet salmon - really - I have not updated this since you last visited... You would not believe my anguish at my misdoings. Unbelievable.

I am distracted with setting fire to people wearing Crocs, soaking in the tub, just generally being a nuisance to anyone unfortunate to cross my path, my day goes from midday to midnight. I am not growing up. but who cares.

I absolutely, positively promise I will write something that makes sense soon. I promise! This is for my ever faithful, devoted public..

Many thanks to this handy gadget 

the Bloggers Post Generator

And to Sue Simpson

Obviously this gadget will be a helpful tool for dealing with all the blogging challenges that I am tackling at the moment.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter!!!

It has taken me about 40 minutes to suss out how to post Youtubes on my iPad.... and actually it's simple, much simpler than it used to be on the big PC, but I think the simplicity confused me.
But now I can't publish, and my blogger bits and pieces seem to have jammed... or have gotten gooed up with creme egg....
Arrrrgggh, this is driving me insane.... no wonder MJ has gone on an extended blogging break....

Erm.... where did that YouTube go??? Oh I give up. I need champagne and chocolate to recover from this debacle.

FYI

This is a Scarlet Blue service announcement.

I AM NOW DOING THE 104 CHALLENGE, NOT THE 365, OR THE 509, OR THE 264, OR THE 7,986.

I hope this clears up any confusion.

Although, the 345.54 sounds up my street...

Unexpected Freezer Tales

1. Instrumental Music



My favourite Tale of the Unexpected was the one where the murderess clumps her husband over the head with a frozen leg of lamb and then thaws the meat and feeds it to the investigating detective. I keep a 2 pint bottle of milk frozen in my freezer just in case.

2. Random Calligraphy



There is only one thing worse than being talked about.... and that's being talked about because you keep a frozen bottle of milk in the freezer just in case you need a handy murder weapon.

3. Quote from mailbox

I usually get caught out by good looking men... I once ended up with a freezer full of fish thanks to a very good looking man...

My freezer isn't big enough to store good looking men. Sadly.
Some of you may have noticed that today's 365 post has a theme. Can you spot what it is?

Other news:- I am already bored with my self imposed framework... and I may stray from it a bit... some days I may rebel and not write anything at all... but just because I haven't posted doesn't mean that I am not winning the 365 challenge. Plus, I have just accepted the 104 challenge and I can't do both, can I?